Thursday, November 19, 2009

Letter to and Response from Dr. Susan Love

I resigned from Dr. Susan Love's Army of Women and sent a quick reason why...I have copied my short note and her novel of a response. I am not pleased with her answer.

My note:

I just wanted to let you know why I'm leaving the AOW. I was diagnosed at 34, stage IV because I was "too young." I felt that Dr. Love would be an advocate for all women with breast cancer, but that obviously isn't the truth. I feel like I've been thrown under the bus.

The Response:

Hi Amy,


I have read and listened to all of the calls and emails that have come into the Foundation and the Army of Women since I first appeared on TV talking about the new United States Preventive Services Task Force guidelines. It’s very distressing to me that many of you think that I’ve abandoned you and your concerns.
I have spent my entire career working in the breast cancer field. I want to find an end to this insidious disease. If I thought that these guidelines would harm women, I’d be the first person to speak out.
These guidelines are just that—guidelines. The guidelines aren’t saying that women between 40-50 should never have a mammogram. Women under 50 who are high risk should have a more intensive screening program that includes mammography. Women younger or older than 50 who see or feel a change in their breast should have a mammogram or ultrasound so that the problem can be diagnosed.
What they are saying is that a careful review of the scientific evidence shows that in younger women of average risk the risks outweigh the benefits of routine screening. Understandably, this is a shocking statement to hear, as it completely contradicts the “women should get an annual mammogram starting at age 40” recommendation that we’ve been hearing for the past decade.
What many people don’t know is that this recommendation to extend screening to women under 50 was fraught with controversy. The decision was not based on evidence; it was based on political will. Virginia Ernster wrote an excellent article about this in the American Journal of Public Health in 1997(http://ajph.aphapublications.org/cgi/reprint/87/7/1103.pdf).
Since then, we’ve become even more focused on the need for health care that is evidence-based. This is not just because of the cost factor. (The evidence may show that a more expensive drug or procedure is better, and that’s what we will need to then follow.) It’s because studies have shown us that treatments or tests we thought would be more effective were not. That’s why research is so important.
The problem with mammography in women under 50 is that it doesn’t work very well. Breast tissue is dense in young women and appears white on a mammogram. Cancer also appears white on a mammogram. This means that trying to find cancer on a young woman’s mammogram it is like looking for a polar bear in the snow. As a result, mammography misses many cancers in young women. And not only does it miss many cancers– giving a false sense of security–it also finds many things that are NOT cancer but need to be checked out through biopsies or other tests. In addition, the risk of the radiation is higher in younger women and cumulative so that the additional cancers caused by the radiation have to be weighed against the ones found by the test. It is not as simple as we would like to believe.
The guidelines do not say women can never have mammography under 50 or even over 75, another change that seems to have been overlooked. What it says is that women need to stop and weigh their own risks and beliefs and talk to their doctor and make a conscious decision about the way they personally want to go.
Additionally the guidelines do not say “never do breast self exam or touch your breasts again.” The data shows that formal four-position 20-minutes breast self exam is no better than the usual poking around we all do. The guidelines continue to suggest that women be aware of their breasts; they just do not recommend that physicians spend time training women in formal BSE. Most cancers in women under 50 are still found by the woman herself and not screening mammograms.
Finally, another point that has been missed by the media is the recommendation that mammography be done every other year in women 50-75. This too is based on data. The magic of 50 is menopause. As a woman’s hormones wane her breast tissue becomes less dense and the mammograms become easier to read, shifting the risk benefit balance.
The real issue is not whether mammography can find cancers but whether it can find them at a point that will make a difference in the outcome. The problem is that it is really the ability to find all cancers early that is being questioned. We now know that there are at least five different kinds of breast cancer and that some are so slow growing that it doesn’t matter when you find them, they would never kill you. Others are so aggressive that they will have spread before you can see them on a mammogram. It is only some of the kinds where you can make a difference with screening and it is mostly in women over 50.
What I hope these guidelines will do is push doctors to have a conversation with their patients about the risks and benefits of mammography so that women can make a decision that is right for them. If, knowing the risks, you want to have a mammogram, that should be your choice. But you should also know that mammograms are not all that good at detecting breast cancer in women under 50, so that you can be alert for any changes you see in your breasts. If you are high risk, you and your doctor should develop the appropriate screening program for you. Depending on your age, and your breast density, this might also include MRI. And no matter how old you are, you should see your doctor if you see or feel any changes in your breast.
I had nothing to do with formulating these guidelines but if you look back at what I have written over the years, it is consistent with what I am saying today: mammography is not a good tool for finding breast cancer in younger women and we need to put our efforts to finding something better. At the Dr. Susan Love Research Foundation, we continue to both fund and do research to find something that will work better than mammography, especially in young women at risk of getting breast cancer. The Love/Avon Army o f Women is one of the Foundation’s biggest initiatives, and we continue to reach out to the scientific community to let them know that the Army of Women is here and ready to help them recruit for studies looking at the cause and prevention of breast cancer.
Also, to be clear, I have not been influenced or received any donations from any insurance companies, nor have I been bought off by our Federal government, nor do I think that these guidelines are part of a government conspiracy. These guidelines come from a respected independent group that issues similar reports on a regular basis. Their last set of recommendations was in 2002. These recommendations are based on an extensive review of the data and took years to develop. It is just coincidental that they came out during the health care reform debate.
I hear your anger. I’m angry too. But not for the same reason. I’m angry because we’ve oversold the benefits of mammography to the extent that there is no longer room to look objectively at the evidence. I am angry that we still don’t know what causes breast cancer and how to prevent it. I started the Army of Women to channel that anger into positive action. I ask that you also channel your anger and frustration into helping us keep breast cancer from going on to another generation! We can do it. We can go beyond finding cancers that are already there to ending this disease all together. But we can’t let ourselves be distracted from the goal. We can agree to disagree about mammography screening guidelines, but we cannot let up the pressure and efforts to stop breast cancer once and for all!


Thank you
Army of Women
www.armyofwomen.org

Wednesday, November 18, 2009

What Happened to the Last 30 Years of Breast Cancer Advocacy?!?!

Today the US Preventive Services Task Force released new guidelines recommending women start getting mammograms at age 50, rather than at 40 as previously recommended. They also recommend against the teaching of breast self exam (BSE). You can view their recommendations here, but the reasoning behind the BSE rec is that "For the teaching of BSE, there is moderate certainty that the harms outweigh the benefits."

I have a serious problem with this.

I first found my lump by a much delayed BSE, and was told I was too young. Now, women under 50 are also going to be told they're too young. I have an aunt who had breast cancer, but that wasn't enough "family history" to look at the lump that was making me nervous... all because I was under 4o...now the task force is adding ten more years onto breast screening.

Several of my friends have found their lumps through BSEs, and many have found theirs from their base line mammos...were they supposed to wait until symptoms were showing...orange peel breasts?...enlarged liver?...coughing that won't go away?...loss of vision and/or stroke symptoms?...easily broken bones?... This isn't right! I heard the term saving money thrown in more than once...so hope I die before the insurance company has to pay too much money...bull crap!!!

I feel the "task force" cares nothing about true lives and is looking at the bottom dollar. I feel sick to my stomach every time I think about it and wish effing cancer would just go away. I feel like Dr. Love stabbed me in the heart agreeing with the task force on TV...by the way, I never bought her breast cancer book because I it said I have only a five percent chance of living longer than five years. I feel like screaming again...

I hate cancer.

Thursday, October 1, 2009

Woooooo...Hoooo....!!!!!

I got a phone call today with awesome news...I'm cancer free (again), baby!

Monday, September 28, 2009

Inscanity

Okay, I lied.

Every pain, ache, pain, forgotten memory is cancer.

Damn it!

I'm ready to get this over with...

Sunday, September 27, 2009

Healing well

My skin looks great! I have a few small cysts that have popped up but they are much easier to tolerate than the blisters. I can feel the tightness in my muscles on my chest wall and as soon as the radiation oncologist gives the okay, I can start weight training on my chest muscles again.

I have a PET scan on October 1 that will determine if there is any progression of cancer elsewhere in my body. I keep hoping that since I'm feeling well there is no more cancer in the body, but I know that I felt well before my diagnosis and it may have come back. I will not turn myself over to fear or worry because there is nothing I can do to change it.

I continue to hate cancer. The message board I frequent continues to be peppered with messages of progression, hospice, and death. I will let myself go days without checking in because I can't handle hearing of the bad news. I've been a part of this community for over 2 1/2 years and have become closer to more and more ladies. I know their stories, about their families, and their lives...and they have become a part of my life. One death a couple of weeks ago was closer to me than any other before and it hurt beyond words. I have another friend who lives locally who is at MD Anderson right now hoping for a cure to her breast cancer. Over the last year, even with chemo, she has progressed and is hoping to get a bone marrow transplant to save her life.

I guess I'm transitioning to the month of October and crap. There seems to be a misperception that breast cancer is an easy cancer to have. I totally beg to differ. So far, I have been lucky with my treatment and recurrence, but too many aren't that lucky.

Thursday, September 10, 2009

Radiation: The gift that keeps on giving...

I wanted to believe that once I finished radiation that I would start healing and there would be no more side effects. Unfortunately, the skin is in different phases of reproduction and I have two more weeks of mutant skin before it will truly start to heal. I have several small blisters and about five blisters the size of a dime. For skin that I thought was numb it hurts like crap! I am even going out without my prosthetic breast because I can't tolerate the pain. I hope I don't offend anybody with my lop-sidedness.

I went to see my regular oncologist, Dr. K. today. I know it is weird, but he is a great doctor and makes his office a very comfortable place. I can visit with him and have confidence in my treatment plan and I feel I'm part of the decision making process.

Here's the plan: I will have a PET scan in about a month followed by an appointment with Dr. K. If there is no cancer progression in the rest of my body, I will keep taking the anti-hormonal and will hope it keeps the cancer from spreading. If there is cancer, we will open the door to the chemotherapy arsenal once again and I will start treatment. He doesn't want to start treatment yet because my skin needs time to heal before any more poison is added to my body that will hinder healing.

Friday, September 4, 2009

What a week!

First, I just want to take a moment and celebrate that I am finally done with my radiation treatments!!!!! I am cooked to a crisp and swollen, but I made it.

This week was long not on MY part, but Chris'. Tuesday he had a colonoscopy. No big deal, just a lot of sitting in a waiting room while he got the "good stuff" for his scope. Everything looked good, and he is happy he can eat all the popcorn and grapes he wants to eat.

Wednesday morning he had an eye appointment. He has been complaining about fuzzy vision for about a month, and it turns out that he has blindness to the bottom third of his left eye. The optometrist was concerned enough to send him to a neural opthomoligist the next day, which was yesterday. He ran many of the same tests as the first doctor, but ordered an MRI giving two options for the reason of the blindness: either early stage Multiple Sclerosis or an optical nerve stroke. We waited in the waiting room for almost an hour while waiting for the insurance company to schedule the MRI before we were sent home to wait. We finally got a phone call and the test was scheduled at 9:00PM. We finally got home from the MRI just before 11:00, and each of us had a restless night worrying about the prognosis. Chris got a call early this afternoon from the specialist and it was an optical nerve stroke. There is less than a five percent chance of recovering the lost vision, and Chris is crushed. He has a follow-up appointment in a month to check for progression or stabilization.

I have an appointment with my regular oncologist next Thursday to find out what it next... the fun life of a cancer patient.

OH! Angel had her baby: Alexis Ann last night. I don't have specifics...but she is healthy and beautiful.

Saturday, August 29, 2009

The Do's And Don'ts of Radiation Treatment

My mind goes in weird circles when I'm trying to sleep at night, and I just thought I would put into writing what worked and didn't work for me:

Don't
  • Don't buy expensive radiation creams and salves...they don't work any better than what you can get at your home pharmacy. My favorites are Udderly Smooth, Neosporin with Lidocaine, A & D Ointment, and Aloe Vera with no alcohol and no coloring.
  • Don't scrub the area that is being treated. Treat the skin as if it was paper.
  • Don't be afraid to ask for help...you will get tired.
  • Don't go out in the sun without full sunscreen, even on the areas that aren't being treated.
  • Don't be stupid like me and put deodorant on!
  • Don't use anything scented...it will irritate your skin.

Do

  • Take naps when you can.
  • Drink LOTS of water.
  • Apply one of the above named creams at least four times a day.
  • Ask questions when you are with the doctor and getting treated. I asked questions about everything from what the walls were made of to why the machine sounded like the old dial-up modems.
  • Whatever it takes to feel comfortable. I also asked if they could play music when I was in the room alone.

I will try to come back and add to this as I think of things. I just wanted to get this out there...

Thursday, August 27, 2009

Ewwwww!

First, I am counting down the days until I'm done with radiation. SIX MORE DAYS! It hurts, it is ugly, and it stinks! I have not been wearing any kind of deodorant under my left arm because everything I have tried irritates the skin, even the stuff made for people going through radiation therapy. Today during my treatment I apologised for stinking so bad, and I was told that it was the burnt skin and not sweat that stunk. EEEWWWWW! I don't know why I'm so grossed out because I have been looking at it every day when applying creams and getting out of the shower...but the ugly happened gradually. Did I mention I only have SIX MORE TREATMENTS?!?!?!

Thursday, August 20, 2009

Friends Rule!
















Last weekend with a little help from friends and family I got to go to Chicago to see if I qualifed for a drug trial for my particular type of cancer. I also got to see a group of friends that I have become very close to since my recurrance in May. I was already friends with two of them because one is in my treatment group (Ruth) and the other was a host when I needed a place to stay in Dallas during the Young Survival Coalition Conference last year (Becca). Jen, one of the gals from Chicago had a recurrance almost in the exact place and is doing the chemotherapy I will start next month and she will start radiation that I'm taking now...add on the friends everybody else had and we had a little group that got together at one time in Chicago almost by accident at one time. I didn't know as many of the people on the boards since I mostly "stalked" instead of typed, but I am so glad I got to meet the rest: Pam, Lesley, Tracey, Chex, and Cassie. There are so many women I haven't got to meet but every time I connect with a lady who has overcome this crap and made it on a better side I can't help but stand in awe.

Ouch!

I messed up taking care of my radiation area. I haven't been taking care of the whole area and I put anti-persperant on every day after my rads because I hate the sensation of sweating. I don't know why I didn't but I never applied the radiation lotion under my arm pit...I guess I never thought it would be "cooked" like the rest of my area. If I paid attention I would have known... dang. The color of the toasty area is a mixture of red and black...like a too dark tan that is only getting darker. It hurts like crap and I haven't been able to sleep well. I finally complained today and have a patch thing over the area today and a cream with lidocaine. I wish I took better care of that area because I am not a fan of pain. The good news it I only have twelve more treatments.

Tuesday, August 11, 2009

Pictures From Chris' Weekend











SURPRISE....almost...

I have been very busy in the last week. Even though Chris' 40th birthday isn't until August 31st, I helped orchestrate a birthday celebration to include his family last weekend, and the surprise held until the day before. It was okay because everybody involved had a great weekend and Chris was still surprised with the extent of the surprise. Most of his family got to come Friday, but the real celebration was after everybody who could show up was here. I reserved an area at Chris' favorite restaurant and ordered lots of ribs and other bar-b-que. They set up a buffet for us and hid a beautiful and tasty cake made by Lexie's sister Morgan. The wonderful evening was topped off with a wonderfully decorated lawn and a wonderful visit. We got to keep Jeff and his family to ourselves when everybody else retired to the hotel and went home Sunday.

I started back at school this week and will get kiddos on Thursday. I am super-excited...really!!!

Wednesday, July 29, 2009

Feeling the Burn

Eleven down, 26 to go. I noticed my skin turning red yesterday and I started to feel the burn today. I went to my radiation treatment in a good rain so the drive wasn't as irritating today. I love rain and love thunderstorms.

Every Wednesday, I am X-Ray-ed to make sure I am getting the radiation treatment to the correct places. My radiation treatment is in a lead room (don't lick the walls) so there is no radio, but they have CD's that they play. For the last week the same Beatles CD has been playing, and since I'm the first treatment of the day it has been the same three songs. I teased the techs that they were going to ruin the Beatles for me so I was serenaded by the the Black Eyed Peas today. I am finally getting in a comfortable place during my treatment and know where to place my behind and how to put my arm up so it lands in the correct place.

If you have lifted up my uncle Ray in prayers I want to thank you. He may get to (finally) go home tomorrow. Stupid cancer.

Wednesday, July 22, 2009

First Week Report

I have had six radiation treatments, and it has been side effect free so far. I try really hard not to resent the treatments every day when I get up, but I do. I'm now kicking myself for scheduling the first appointment of the day. Only when I'm in direct sunlight, I can see a faint tan on my chest. I can feel something with my neck, and it isn't discomfort or anything, just something different. I have spent way too much money on radiation lotions and creams, but hold faith that they will keep the worst side effects away. Oh, I guess I do have one side effect: I'm very tired. I think I could easily sleep 16 hours a day, and it stinks because I slept away a beautiful and cool day when it was perfect to be outside. Oh, well, this too shall pass.

Tuesday, July 21, 2009

I Hate Cancer

News 9 Video

Well, because of cancer, I got on tv, and I look horrible, but it is a sweet story. By the time they interviewed me I watched the wife and husband speak to the TV crew and met the beautiful children. I had to hide around the corner so I wouldn't look at them and cry more. It is a beautiful and sweet story, and this family really needs prayers.

My Uncle Raymond needs prayers, too. He went into shock early this morning and is in ICU. He is my Godfather, a loving and proud father, a husband and soul-mate to my Aunt Kim, and so many other things beyond that. Please pray for strength for his family who truly love him and are sick with worry.

I hate this disease. I get sick when I hear about new diagnosis, and it is worse when it is somebody with little kids. May God wrap his loving arms around all of them. I can't write any more...my new medications are making me crybaby plus lately.

Friday, July 17, 2009

3 Down, 34 To Go!

I started the radiation treatments Wednesday morning. I chose the first appointment of the day so I could get it over with instead of scheduling my day around my treatments. The total time including getting undressed, the treatment, and getting dressed takes less than fifteen minutes, and so far I'm doing well. My neck feels like I've been in the sun too long, but it isn't pink, and the rest of my radiation area feels very well. I'm slathering on cream several times daily and I hope it helps to keep the red away as long as possible. Honestly, the only thing I hate about the radiation treatments is the daily drive. I try to put a positive spin on the drive and pray for the people in my life I've come to care about who are also going through trials.

Wednesday, July 15, 2009

Dry Run

I officially begin the first of 37 radiation treatments tomorrow, well, later today. Today was my dry run, and it was about as much fun as doing laundry. I assumed the position on the radiation machine and got a few more tats and marks while the techs took notes so it can be set up for me when I come in from now on. The machine will be placed in three different positions to radiate the lymph nodes in my neck, arm-pit and sternum areas, as well as my skin and chest wall. I continue to be amazed by modern medicine and wonder how the heck somebody thought to start the radiation treatments in the first place. Please keep prayers in mind tomorrow for my friend Jen E who will have surgery tomorrow for a recurrence in her chest wall.

Thursday, July 9, 2009

Finally!

A plan...



I went to the radiation oncologist this morning and got to place my body on a plank twelve inches wide and go through the donut CT machine. It is somewhat a pain in the butt-ox because the position I had the fun of assuming was to turn my face to my right, hold my left arm over my head in a weird dancer position, tuck my thumb into my waistband, and keep my legs and feet uncrossed while breathing normally. I am *not* a back sleeper, and had to be told to stay still and uncross my feet about five times. I finally groaned back that I would stay still, but I didn't have to like it. CT scans are very quick but I had to stay still while the doctor looked at the pictures and determined where the tattoos would go. I had to stay in "the position" during the tattoo process, but that was the easiest part. The tattoo process was a pin-type object poked in my skin a few times and done. I will begin radiation treatment next Wednesday after a "set-up" appointment on Tuesday.



I also had the pleasure of seeing my regular oncologist after lunch. He discussed what chemo I will probably do after the radiation therapy and how long I will take it. He also put my mind at ease because I have been worrying that if the breast tumor came back would the other tumor sights come back with no treatment. Actually, taking the Arimedex is a form of treatment.



I will honestly say that I am *too* young to take the amount of medication that I do...



On a good point, I got a reading gift that is helping me on my goal of reading nothing of intellectual value before school starts. Thanks to the gifters...I love it.

Wednesday, July 1, 2009

Cyclops

I went to the surgeon yesterday, and instead of placing a drain, she stuck a needle throught he muscle to the fluid pocket and removed almost 200cc of fluid. My skin was numbed, but that didn't stop the ouch factor in the muscle and the gross factor visualizing what she did. Her nurse came in and wrapped me corset style where the remaining boob was trying to pop out in dangerous capacity. I don't know if it was the restriction of oxygen or the visual picture in my head, but I felt very light headed before leaving, and Chris had to come and pick me up with thanks to his dad who just arrived in town. I started feeling bad again during dinner, and Chris thankfully came up with a more humane way to wrap my chest. The only downside is that I truly look like a Pop-eye (if you get to close...hehe) or a Cyclops. The hope in the wrapping is that I won't have to endure multiple needle pokes in my chest and I can start radiation ASAP. I will update as soon as I know anything.

Tuesday, June 30, 2009

Two Steps Back

Tomorrow will be two weeks since the surgery, and I have continued to grow in strength and prepare myself mentally and emotionally for the radiation. I went to meet the radiation oncologist this morning to determine when I will start radiation and the areas he will radiate. My surgery sight remains so swollen that he ran a quick CT scan to determine the reason. So much fluid has collected behind the muscle the implant hid behind that it looks like the implant is still there!!! I meet with my surgeon this afternoon to discuss placing a new drainage tube. According to the radiation oncologist, it will take at least a week for the fluid pocket to drain, and only then can we plan the radiation.

Thursday, June 25, 2009

A Week After Surgery

First, I want to make a correction to my last post. Due to the use of painkillers, I mistakenly believed I helped cook dinner after my operation, when I actually just gave directions. My mother called me, laughingly, telling me that they probably gave me too much pain killer before leaving the hospital...I say no such thing. :)

I can feel myself getting stronger every day, and sleeping less. I finally started getting "cabin fever" yesterday, and drove myself to the surgeon's office for my follow-up appointment. My incision is looking good and I'm healing well, but the swelling is freakish to me. She told me it was normal for the trauma of the surgery. I will just say it looks like my boob is regenerating like the tail of a lizard...if anybody wants a picture, I will be more than happy to send an e-mail. I think it is cool, but I don't want to gross anybody out...

The heat is incredibly hard on me. It has been at least 100 degrees all week and just walking to the car and waiting for the A/C to kick on wears me out. I'm longing for the extra long Spring we were blessed with earlier this summer, but to pay for it we went directly to August!

On a separate note, please pray for a friend of mine named Jennifer E. She just found out she had a recurrence on top of her implant, similar to mine. Somebody who shouldn't be communicating with people, period, told her that she had an 85% chance of metastatic cancer... She hasn't made any appointments yet to find out about her scans and she is very scared. Have I mentioned I HATE this disease?

Friday, June 19, 2009

Surgery Report

It is very nice to be a "pet" patient of my doctors. When my surgeon saw me in the waiting room, she instructed the staff to bring me in to prepare for the surgery. She had a surgery to take care of before mine, but I didn't have time to get bored like I did last time. I woke up sore as heck, but came home happy due to a small shot of morphine before I left. I did more than I should have after getting home, including cooking supper, and have paid for it two days now. I have been pretty sore, but I'm not sure if it is from moving too much or not moving enough. This is no fun. This morning, my surgeon's nurse removed the drainage tube. After peeling me off the ceiling, she said the scars were healing well and made a follow-up with Dr. C next week.

Chris and Lexie have been great, and so has my mom, who is the BEST cook in the world. There will be a slumber party at the house tonight that was planned before Chris knew of the surgical date (read he didn't listen to me). Lexie's softball team will have a tye-dye the white jersey party, including pizza and lots of sugar. Thank goodness for good meds!

Honesty: I really want to play brave for everybody, but inside I whine a lot. I don't like pain, and that is probably why I don't exercise often. I truly trust God to take care of me, but I really don't want to go trough all of this. I understand (just to a tiny portion) Christ praying in the garden before his kiss of betrayal. I'd rather just ignore the cancer until it is too late, but that is just a fleeting thought and I know I still have job to do.

I am thankful for all your prayers. I KNOW I couldn't do this on my own.

Tuesday, June 16, 2009

Vacation!

Thanks to some wonderful people in my life, I got to go to Tampa and visit my best friend before my surgery tomorrow. I had a wonderful time. I went to Busch Gardens and saw very cool animals and rode very scary rollercoasters. I also went to Discovery Cove and swam with dolphins and sting rays. The beach was wonderful, the food was wonderful, and the company was wonderful. I will post pictures when I have time.

My surgery is tomorrow morning at 9:15, and I will lose my implant and more skin. As soon as it is healed, I will begin radiation to a large area of my chest, the base of my neck, and my arm pit. I will be radiated five times a week for six weeks, and the goal is for the skin to be blistered and peeling because that is where this recurrance occured. My rad oncologist is awesome and took 45 minutes to explain and answer my questions.

Thursday, June 4, 2009

Battle Plan...I think

I met with Dr. K today, who happens to be the best oncologist in the world in my humble opinion. I'm going to start a new anti-hormonal called Arimidex. I am not a fan of these medicines because the side effects make me feel at least 30 years older, but I will push on. I will have surgery soon after I return from Florida, and will have two to three weeks to heal before the radiation treatment. Radiation is not fun because it requires going to the facility five days a week for six to nine weeks. Mine will be a thirty minute drive away, but at least I will be in my own bed every night. Radiation has been referred to the worst tanning bed EVER, and a little research can find why. I don't want to look at the moment. During radiation, I will begin taking another oral medication called Tykerb. When it first came out, it was touted as the "new Herceptin," but it isn't... I will take an oral chemotherapy called Xeloda along with the Tykerb.

Believe it or not, I'm doing very well mentally. I forgot to do something at work that is upsetting me WAY more than this recurrance. I already proved to myself I can make it through diagnosis, I just have to do it. I have God taking care of the hard stuff for me, and I just have to show up.

Friday, May 29, 2009

Left hand/right hand?

When visiting multiple doctors, some days I wonder if the left hand has a clue what the right hand is doing...

The plastic surgeon gave the "go-ahead" to take out the implant or not take out the implant depending on what the radiation oncologist wants. I meet with her next Tuesday, so I have a list on what to ask. I really need to know because I don't know whether to buy a mastectomy swimsuit or not...and buying a swimsuit isn't easy in the first place. You can see where my priorities are.

Please keep my Uncle Ray in your prayers. He had a recurrence of leukemia after less than six months in remission and will have to go to Maryland for a bone marrow transplant. To have a bone marrow transplant is tough, because he will have to be in almost total isolation because the doctors will have to totally kill his immune system. This is for a guy who likes to be around people...a lot! The process of killing the immune system is not fun, either. I won't go into it, but you can look it up if you want to totally cringe.

Wednesday, May 27, 2009

Two appointments down, ??? to go...

I met with my surgeon yesterday and got the outline of my "battleplan." During the next week and a half, I will be scanned and tested for tests with no study guide (can I cry foul on that?). Today I got an MRI which is a very weird experience. Picture the MasterCard symbol or a two circle Venn diagram, and that is what is cut on the board I got to lay (lie?) on for about an hour . The "girls" each get their own circle, and my sternum fit on the middle part. As I was put face down, my head rested face down on a contraption similar to what you would use for a massage, but my eyes were also covered. My arms were placed on pillows above my head. Thank goodness I was given a valium before going in the tube because I REALLY don't like to sit still. I'm not clausterphobic, but I DON'T like being still. To add insult to injury, one of the nurses placed an IV into my vein so they could add contrast. Thanks to the valium, the whole thing was more uncomfortable for Chris who got to sit in the waiting room while over 500 pictures were taken of my chest. Hello, Playboy!

Tomorrow, I "get" to meet with my plastic surgeon. He's my least favorite of the doctors because when I mentioned I didn't like my reconstruction, he told me that it would look better if I didn't gain any weight. Humph! Let me cut off his hormone producers and put him in bed for a long time and see how HE comes out of the end of it!

Next Tuesday I meet with my radiation oncologist for her consult, and I believe I will have to meet my regular oncologist somewhere next week, too.

When I get back from Florida, there will be a rapid-fire volley toward "the beast." First I will have surgery where the plastic surgeon will remove the expander and the surgeon is going to scrape the skin from the underside to get every bit of tissue out of that breast. Later that week, I will go get the radiation set up and get tattoos and a prescription to a cream to hopefully keep my skin from burning to a crisp. I will also have to use a special deodorant because the metal in the d.o. will block the cancer killing rays. Where's Superman when I need him to give my radiation with his eyes. My oncologist will keep an eye on my tumor markers and keep "taking pictures" to determine if/when the treatment will change.

At the moment I still kind of feel like I'm in a dream and this isn't really happening to me... I wish it wasn't.

Friday, May 22, 2009

Lemonade

Today I got the official news: the cancer is back. I've been holding onto a hope that the lump was benign, but I didn't get that lucky. While waiting for a call from my surgeon this morning, I got a call from her nurse to schedule an appointment with my plastic surgeon for the consult to remove the implant. At the moment, I was still holding onto hope, so it was like a punch in the gut. I went to find Chris and had a very good cry, then told my family, co-workers, and friends. In a way, I feel like I'm letting a lot of people down. I know better than that...I just wanted to keep dancing with NED (No Evidence of Disease). Well, I'm starting to think of the lemonade...like the fact I've never really been happy with my reconstruction, it IS almost summer and I won't miss school, and God does have enough strength to help me go through this again as many times as I have to.

It is time to put my imaginary pink boxing gloves back on and fight again. I just home this time it is a knock-out punch.

And now for something completely different...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2rGzZJp8QAA

The above link is for a YouTube video that was uploaded by students in my school Coach Winterrowd is a teacher I co-teach with one class period and I actually copied the idea for the assignment from another teacher. We watched Forrest Gump in class and the students were given the assignment to add something on to the movie. This really made me laugh. Just for your information, Coach W drinks LOTS of Diet Pepsi. You will understand once you watch the video.

Thursday, May 21, 2009

Playing phone tag with the good doctor

Trying to be patient, I called my surgeon's office first thing Tuesday morning to see if there was any news. Her nurse patiently explained to me that Dr. C didn't give news over the phone and I would have to wait until Tuesday. Well, my awesome doctor called me tonight to give me the news...but I didn't know the phone was ringing. When I called back, the phone went to the answering service. Ugh. I will try to call the office tomorrow to see if they will read the results to me. Dr. C isn't in her office on Fridays, so I still may have to wait until Tuesday.

Monday, May 18, 2009

Should I start to worry yet?


My surgery was this morning and went well and it was uneventful except for boredom between the time I got the IV put in and the time I was wheeled into surgery. The surgeon spoke to Chris after she removed the mass, and its size doubled in the past week...she didn't like the visual look of the damn thing. I think I'll be fine to go to work tomorrow as long as I stay out of the halls during passing periods and away from the doors when lunch period begins...

I took the picture trying to entertain myself while waiting for surgery.

Sunday, May 17, 2009

DON'T PANIC!!!!

Yes, that is a line from Douglas Adams, but that is what I keep repeating to myself during the last week. After my implant was inserted, I was given instructions to massage the implant to keep keloid scars from forming around the implant and creating a FrankenFoobie... I think I'm to do that about once a week, I remember at least once a month. I was doing the massage and felt a definate lump. I brought Chris over, and he felt it, too. Four letter words immediately started running through my mind, and after a very restless night sleep, I called my oncology nurse to "feel me up." That is how I put it...I've had more hands on my chest since my diagnosis than my whole life... Anyway, she didn't like it and sent me to my surgeon's office. My surgeon was out, but her nurse didn't like it either, and made an appointment to see Dr. C the following Tuesday. Dr. C's immediate reaction was "it's coming out!" So much for not panicing. Just in case, she sent me for a mammogram and ultra sound to make sure it wansn't a cyst. It wasn't...so now I'm preparing for surgery number six tomorrow morning. The only thing I'm really hating about this is that I have to miss school tomorrow. I'm not nervous about the surgery because my surgeon is a surgical rock star. I'm not too nervous about the results of the biopsy of the mass because there IS a chance it could be benign, and there is no reason to worry about something I don't know about yet.

Well, off to bed...I'm going to cheat and take a couple of Tylenol PM to get a good rest. The surgery isn't scheduled until 11AM, but I have to be there by 7:30 because Dr. C can "sometimes get ahead of herself."

Monday, February 16, 2009

Happy Cancerversary To Me!!!

It was actually yesterday. For the life of me I have to think hard to remember my anniversary, but I will never forget the day I was told I had breast cancer(don't tell Chris). If you told me two years ago that I would be healthy and cancer free (dancing with NED, as a friend put it), I would have thought you were pulling my leg or just trying to make me feel better.

Well, according to the statitistics, I have about a 15% chance of living three more years. I have a hard time believing that, and will be here ten years later just barely remembering to post to this blog...

Now I just can't wait for my darn hair to finish growing out!!!

Sunday, January 4, 2009

Conspiracy Theories

I was visiting with a very well meaning person today who mentioned that "Big Drug Companies" run the oncology departments and that the poison we get to "cure" the cancer is no better than certain herbs and spices (I can eat Kentucky Fried Chicken and get better)? I know I am simplifying things, but I have to think that if there was something so easy, the cure wouldn't be on some website or in a book, but would be national news.

Friday, January 2, 2009

The Dallas 3 Day Walk
















My Team











My team was named Sharla Schooley's Angels: Simply the Breast. I didn't start on a team, but one of the ladies in my SHOUT group is Sharla, and her brother was the team captian. Sharla wasn't able to walk because she had a recurrance to her organs before the walk, and wasn't handling the chemo well at all. I didn't know any of the people in my team before the walk, but I am glad I had a chance to meet them and be apart of this family for a weekend. One of the biggest perks of a team are "walker stalkers." Different teams had their own, and the walker stalker would pick up our jackets after the cold turned warm, bring a different lunch than the cold chicken breast sandwich, and snacks along the way...It was great.




Camp Life
















During the 3-Day, we camp for two nights in matching pink tents. It is a view I could never picture until I saw the real thing. The tents weren't put up for us, but there were several volunteers who we called Tent Angels who helped put them up after the first day.

The white tents are the Rememberance Tents. These are to remember the walkers from previous walks who passed away from breast cancer. We were encouraged to write on the tent for Dallas.

Other Walkers
















I had so many chances to visit with awesome people who were each walking for a reason: themselves, their wives, sisters, daughters, friends, strangers...
There were over 4,000 other walkers, and I wish I could have met each one. I will mention the 60 Mile Men, they have a fun calendar, and Tamara Christian, who passed away a week after she completed the walk from breast cancer.





Signs
















People who cheered us on...
















Throughout the walk, there were cheer stations and people cheering the walkers on. For some reason, my feet didn't hurt as much. It took a couple of weeks to stop expecting cheers everywhere I walked.

Sweep Vans















The sweep vans drive around and help the walkers who can't walk any more. This comes in forms of blisters or no sign of a bathroom (or port-a-potty) anywhere. These people were awesome...they also drove by with speakers on top of the vans with music playing and cheered the walkers on.

Amanda K Freeman







A student of mine will be a published author in February. I have an advanced (and autographed) copy of the book, and it is great. I just want to brag...although I have nothing to do with her success...I am just pround of her.
Zodiac and the Stones of Fire ~link to Amazon book
The first picture is of her with her book. The others are from Moore War (the cross-town school rivalry). She decorated the shirt on her own.

Getting Ready for Hunting Season







Chris' family hunts during the Thanksgiving holiday. I really wasn't interested in hunting until I realized that I like everything that surrounds the hunt...plus the adreneline hit...I can't lie all the way. There is a lot of preparation in keeping the hunters comfortable, and I wanted to share a few pictures.