Yesterday I hit the chemo wall. It has been the hardest day so far, and I guess it is because I tried to push myself too much in the last week. It is just hard knowing how much energy I used to have, and going to getting the scooter at Wal-Mart so I can get bananas AND power steering fluid. I know that Chris would happily do the shopping for me, but last time he went shopping he got pizza, pizza Hot Pockets, Pizza Rolls, and maybe even pizza flavored chips. I was craving roasted veggies like I had for Easter lunch and green food... so I go on the buggy. I hate feeling weak, but I know I need to let my body heal after these chemicals go through every part of my being.
I got a Cancer Sucks t-shirt that I ordered in the mail. It is totally inappropriate for work, but I will wear it to my doctor appointments. I also got a Mr. Potato Head t-shirt...we have the same hair-cut, you know. Oh, and now I'm wearing a Pink Floyd concert shirt with Easter Island looking pics...again same hair-do. I try to find the silver lining in this cancer. When I'm feeling better (right before chemo), it is easy to find all silver linings. On days like yesterday when I KNEW I couldn't go to work and days like today when I WANT to work, but just feel too weak and know better, it sucks, and there is no other way to describe it. I have spend some awesome time in prayer and meditation, and God's presence gives me so much comfort. I am thankful for all prayers that I know have helped my healing come along, as well as my peace of mind.
I'm back to the sofa.
5 years ago
4 comments:
Hey Amy - I left you a great message earlier, and I guess Blogger ate it. I know what you mean about feeling so GOOD and then feeling so BAD... ugh. I go for chemo #4 tomorrow (Wednesday). My hubby suggested the scooter at the grocery store and I was MORTIFIED.... but now I'm thinking it's not such a bad idea. :) I still haven't been able to bring myself to use my temporary handicap parking permit, though....sigh.
Hi! I am sorry that this week isn't going so well. I have a friend that said her 3rd and 4th treatments were her hardest. Just hang in there and know are thinking of you and praying for you. You and your friends use those handicap permits, so at least I can think that someone who really needs them has taken all the close parking. Hopefully it won't be long till you are running across the parking lot.
Brenda
Amy, unfortunately you have that stubborn G. gene that runs through us...or should I say "ruins" through us all. Ugh, bad pun. Mom and dad told us too many times growing up that nobody owes us anything and we have to do it on our own..very true but society does owe ppl who, for whatever reason, can't do it on thier own. That is what makes us feel good..helping others..so use the sticker and the scooter and be proud your pride doesn't make you act like an idiot, trying to do things that will hurt make you feel worse. Okay, off my soapbox..for now!
Love, Shelly
Do whatever you can to take care of you--parking permit, scooter, lounging on sofa, WHATEVER! It is imperative that you put your welfare before everything else. Those kids will be fine with a substitute--maybe not as fine as they would be with you, but fine enough. You are in my thoughts all the time. And don't run down any little old ladies on that scooter--just whip around them!
Justine
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