We're Here!

We are at Washington Island, and loving the sunny and cool weather. Today's high temp. was 72. I feel so relaxed right now. The first picture is from the boil over at a fish boil at the American Legion. They do fish boils for fundraisers like Texans do bar-b-ques. It sounds gross, but the fish is wonderful! The second picture is on the ferry boat on the way to the island. The boat in our background is another car ferry. Just to let you know how cool it is here, the picture was taken in the early afternoon. The natives are wearing shorts, but we're used to warmer weather.

We're almost there!

Today was a LONG drive. We drove 9 hours from Kansas City to Wisconsin Dells, Wisconsin. For those of you who are not from this region, Wisconsin Dells is a big vacation town, kind of like Branson, Missouri, but with water parks instead of music. We went and played at one of the indoor water parks, and got flushed.

After Chris and I went down, the girls who promised they were right behind us chickend out and chose to ride a different ride.

On the way here, we took I-35 all the way to southern Minnesota. We traveled through Iowa, and in the thought of getting the girls to move, we got them to jog out to the middle of a cornfield. Sorry this is out of order, but I'm too tired to fix it. Just think of it as a glimpse into my scattered brain.

Travelin'

Greetings from Kansas City! We were so pooped by the time we got here I'm not sure if we're on the Kansas or Missouri side. We're on our way to Washington Island, WI, and I am excited. The weather will be cool and I believe it will be sunny. In Oklahoma, we've been having quite the opposite of what the weather has been in the last 5 to 6 years of drought...rain...rain...and more rain. It produced a wonderful wheat crop for many farmers, but many haven't even been able to harvest, and many crops have been hailed out. If you are a Harry Potter reader, you may recall that in the 6th book the Dementors were reproducing, and it was making a daily rain in parts of England (my thoughts when I read that is that I thought it rained all the time there anyway). Anyway, I'll be glad to see some sun. I feel like a flower planted in the shade!

Anyway, I'll be seeing my surgeon after I get back on July 11th, I believe. I can't remember anything without my calendar with me, and I didn't bring it. I'll try to remember to post some pictures of our trip. Lexie and Angel are coming along, and they've been great so far. We're 1/3 of the way there, so I better go wake up my crew and get them fed and on the road.

Doctor's Report

I finally got to see what a CT/PET scan looks like...and I don't know how any doctor can tell anything from those pictures. I tell you what, I look SO much better from the outside, even with the loss of hair.

As expected, the report from the doctor was good. I'm in remission, or No Evidence of Disease. It doesn't mean that every cancer cell is gone, but that there are no tumors that we know of. It is reason to be happy, though, because it means the cancer won't get me this year. He is recommending surgery to remove the sight of the original tumors and my ovaries, which I also expected. At first I hoped to put the surgery off until after Thanksgiving to allow me to be in top(ish) form for the beginning of the school year, but after talking to Chris I decided to have the surgery as soon as possible. I'm waiting for the oncologist's office to call me with the time of the appointment. It may take a while to get a hold of her office, so I'll post the date of the consult visit as soon as I know anything.

I will also start hormonal therapy today when I get my prescription refilled. I will start a drug known as tamoxifen. http://www.cancerhelp.org.uk/help/default.asp?page=3334 It is for pre-menopausal women, so I'll be on it until my ovaries are removed. After my ovaries are removed, I will take a drug for POST-menopausal women. I HATE taking meds, but I guess I'm stuck.

Honestly, I feel upset right now because I know this isn't close to being over. In my head, I want to be normal again, even though "normal" will never happen. This experience has changed me, and I hope that it has all been for the better. I will say that the number one lesson is that the exterior shell is just that: a shell. It protects me from the elements, and can look pretty, but sometimes will get battered in the protection process. The scars make the shell different and special...I just hope mine is never displayed with some one's vacation memories. (I mean like sea shells)

Just in case any of you were wondering, Lexie's team got Third Place in the softball tourney. Lexie played a good game, and even recovered well from being knocked down by a zealous shortstop between second base and third base.

I don't have anything new to report, I'm just dealing with the nice side-effects from my last chemo. I can't explain how happy I am to have that chapter of my treatment done with.

Can't sleep

Before I get the Taxotere, I get a nice little bag of medicine through myIV that includes steroids that act as an anti-nausea and keep me from having any allergic reactions to the cancer poison. These steroids do the job, but I get hungry and can't sleep every time. I decided to get up and do something, and since I can't concentrate to read, I thought I'd just jot down some thoughts...I hope they make sense.

Two of the things I've always valued in my life is the intelligence I inherited from both of my wonderful parents and the love of hard work that I also received from them. First of all, I consider myself the least intelligent person between my parents and my siblings, but I'm still pretty darn smart. I love to gain knowledge and if I won the lottery (have to buy a ticket first) I would probably go to school and take every class I could. One of the major problems I'm having with the chemotherapy is the onset of "chemo-brain." I can't remember words, am worse at remembering names, and forget things that I normally wouldn't. It is frustrating to know I need to do something, but don't even have the foggiest idea what I need to do because I forgot to even write the darn thing down. A friend gave me a compact with a pink-jewel-encrusted pink ribbon on it that has a stick note on it that has helped to have something to write with, but I forget to use it half the time. I DO remember it to write down doctor appointments and the like...I HAVE to get better. The research on "chemo-brain," or as one of my bosses calls "chemonesia," says that it takes up to two years for normal brain function to continue. One of the benefits of being a teacher is that I do get to constantly learn, but with summer on, and I'm not teaching summer school to support my education habit, I have to try to stimulate my brain in other ways. Reading is a favorite hobby, and it is hard, too. Thank goodness for audio books. I'm spending time with my favorite character HP before the last book comes out right now.
I also gained from the example of my parents a work ethic that rivals the Amish. I remember during a nasty snow storm that mom was one of the only employees that came to work...and she lived at least thirty miles away from the office. I did the same thing in one of my first two years of teaching. I drove over snow on top of ice for a 45ish mile commute along the Dumas Highway, and was only 15 minutes late. I had to leave my house an hour earlier than I normally did...and I normally arrived 45 minutes early...so it even bothered me getting there that late. Honestly, I wouldn't do it again once I saw what danger I put myself in, and that the TRULY intelligent people who lived in Amarillo stayed home, but I was younger and more stubborn. Anyway, it has been very hard on me being away from work. Not only do I love my job and my students, I love working. Even this summer when Chris goes to teach summer school, I try to work the whole time he is gone getting little things done around the house. This week I've been cleaning out and organizing closets. Today I plan to tackle Angels after I sleep in...I have to remember that my first job is to get better.

I hope I didn't ramble too much, and I hope it made sense because I'm too tired to want to proof-read my writing. I want to let the dear reader know that I'm now whining, but I want to reflect on some of the truths of cancer that people don't think about. I knew the treatment would make my health go south (I didn't know how much, thankfully) and I'd lose my hair, but I didn't know about the other side-effects. I truly believed that I could go to chemo and only miss one day of work because I was young and tough...chemo was tougher. Angel made an observance that the cancer didn't make me near as sick as the cure. She is right to a point, but we all know what cancer can do, and I had to explain to her why people willingly put themselves through poisoning, burning (radiation) and mutilation (mastectomies). I thought I had an idea, but I was clueless. I don't remember what this advertised, but the tag line was, "You think you know, but you don't." If I got that wrong, I blame it on the chemo-brain. Well, I'm off to try to sleep again!

Sharing my pansies

The weather has been unseasonably wet and cool for this area this spring...remember today is the first day of summer, and my pansies have stuck around, but are slowly dying. I wanted to share a few pictures that I took of my favorite flowers. I planted these in September, so they have been with me for a long time.

I hope to think my good health will stay around as long as my pansies. My CT/PET scan that I had on Tuesday was clean, but there are areas that will need to be continually monitored. It is very good news, but a reminder that my cancer may and probably will come back someday. I just hope that I will remember to let God take care of me with his agape love that I am so undeserving of but get anyway. I will take my time to celebrate being done with chemo and the clean scans, but I will also get back to my job as a patient and go through the surgeries, radiation and Herceptin treatments and tests and tests and tests. The good news is that my oncologist is young and will be around for a long time.

Last Taxotere today!!!

Angel at Chili's.




Cancer, you picked the wrong woman. The scar on my right shoulder area is where my port is located.



Lexie catching.


Today will be my last chemo, then I will only have to have infusions every three weeks of Herceptin. Good news on the last Taxotere is that I will not have to have the Neulasta shot that makes me hurt so much either since the white blood cell counts will not have to go up before my next chemo. Yippee!!! It's weird what I get excited about these days, huh?



My hair is still growing in, as well as my fingernails. I get my tough nails from my Grandma Gressett who always had beautiful nails...and she was tough as nails. I hope I got more than the tough nails from her. I'm going to have to go to the salon to cut them down. I usually file to keep them from going so long on me, but filing kind of hurts right now.





We're still busy going to Lexie's softball games. In the double-elimination tournament, her team has won one, lost one. I'll try to add a good picture of her catching on this blog.


Angel is becoming a normal teenager. She's out of the house more than she's home now that she is ungrounded. She is working two jobs at this time...she babysits two days a week and then she is the "host boss" at Chili's. I am very proud of her and the responsibility that they have given her there.


Chris is slugging it away at summer school. His second class of the day that he has for 2 1/2 hours has been giving him major headaches, but he has been able to pull in the reigns on them so that he doesn't come home mad every day.

Busy and glad to be bald...for right now

This last week has been a very good week. Lexie has been staying with us, and had the tail end of her softball regular season. Lexie has taken over the position of catcher and does a great job at it. She is getting more confidence at the bat and is hitting the ball better and better. One game lasted until after ten o'clock since so many games were rained out and the other fields are in use by the other leagues. The tournament has been rained out so far, so we're hoping to get to finish the whole season next week. Little Miss Traveling Lexie will be going to Dallas next weekend then off to Wisconsin after that.

Tuesday I went to a program for women with cancer called, "Look Good, Feel Better," sponsored by the American Cancer Society and the cosmetics industry. It was a very nice afternoon where I learned that when I DO wear makeup, I don't do it correctly. It was a fun afternoon and nice being around other cancer survivors in a place other than the oncology office. I also got a bag full of makeup. Lexie took one look at it and told me it should last me YEARS (I rarely wear makeup for those who don't know me well).

Chris finally sold my old motorcycle and with some of the proceeds he decided to get a Wii. At first I wasn't happy, but seeing the whole family playing together makes it worth it. Even my BORED teenager who is grounded is having fun with us. We got the "Big Brain Academy" game, and I can see how much chemo brain has affected me. I DO think that it is helping me practice thinking and is helping, plus it is just fun.

On the medical side, I have a CT/PET scan on Tuesday and my last Taxotere chemo on Thursday, followed by the antibody Herceptin, which I will be taking indefinitely. The last week of June I have an appointment with the oncologist to hopefully find out what happens next. I'm still having the terrible pains in my hip and the rest of my body aches like crazy, but I just have to know in the whole scheme of my life it is temporary (Don't any of you tell me any different or I will give you a dirty teacher look). I am walking every morning, but it is nowhere near how I previously walked. Previously I could out walk most people, but now I am asking everybody to slow down. As soon as this is over I'm going to start training for the Three-Day Walk. http://www.the3day.org/site/pp.asp?c=pmL6JnO8KzE&b=2182495

On another note, I am doing better than the 1957 Belvedere shown here: http://kotv.com/special/buried-car/

Oh, I almost forgot to say why it is great to be bald right now. On Thursday, Lexie's mother got a phone call that the previous catcher on her softball team has lice. Lexie not only shared the catching helmet with the young lady, but all of the girls shared batting helmets. We got to do the washing of the sheets, spraying and vacuuming that every parent hates to do, then got to comb through THICK hair with goo in it looking for nits. Poor kid. Good news is that if my head itches, it just itches...yippee!

Defying Gravity

Last night, Chris and I went out on our first date night since before I was diagnosed. We had tickets to see Wicked for over a year, and even got season tickets to guarantee that we would get to see the show. The problem with the show is that we are in the cheap seats. The season tickets for our seats cost less than one ticket for the orchestra section, and we are...oh...about five stories up. The view isn't horrible, but the people we sat around were borderline that. The couple to my right visited constantly until the music started, and the lady sang to every song. The lady in front of us held at least four cell phone conversations, and lit up our lives with her text messaging throughout the whole show. If someone wants to visit and sing...go to a ball game, NOT a musical...unless it is Rocky Horror Picture Show, but that is another topic. Sorry to rant, but it is frustrating to miss parts of a wonderful show because of others behavior.

On my last chemo, Herpectin was added to the Taxotere. I don't know if the mixture changed the side effects, but I hurt badly now. I spent most of the weekend in bed, and may spend most of today there.

On a personal level, we had to ground Angel for the first time last night. When we came home from the show, she was neither at the house or at work, nor had she left any note about where she was. She took the grounding very well, but we will get to spend a lot of time together in the next week.

Yippee!!

Today I got to take chemo again. I also got to find out I don't have a fracture. I DO have a hole in my pelvic bone where a cancer tumor used to be and I have to careful with it, so no jumping rope, running, jogging...like I wanna do it anyway. I do get to go walking and start lifting weights. It is especially important for me to build bone mass since I'm not producing estrogen any more. I have to take the Neulasta shot tomorrow, and maybe the red blood cell shot that I can never remember the name of. That is one heck of a hangover without any fun on my part.

I got to take the girls swimming this morning before my chemo treatment, and I think it may have led to the break up of my oldest and her BF. She's a smart girl in the dating area, and I'm so proud of her. I'll leave her personal info at that, but she's a smart cookie, and I hope Lexie takes after her. I just sat in the shade and hung out with Harry Potter. I'm re-reading the books before the last book comes out next month. I'm still trying to decide if I'll ever forgive Snape for what he did, which I won't say in case somebody hasn't read it yet. I'm so glad I can read for more than 15 minutes...up to 30 to 45 now.

Tomorrow is a day of rest for me, and Chris goes back to work. He's teaching summer school so we can go on vacation. What a sweetie.

MRI are NO FUN

I arrived for my MRI promptly at 8AM yesterday, and for the first time during my whole treatment, I didn't have to wait at all. I was ushered in to change into a sexy hospital gown and then walked to the MRI room. The radiologist who walked me to the dressing room warned me that it would be AT LEAST three hours. To explain why I hated the MRI so much, I need to say that I NEVER lay flat on my back. When I sleep, I prefer to sleep on my side in the fetal position...and then I have to lay FLAT on my back for the first two scans. After I'm put into position, including a giant rubber band to hold my feet together and a cage over my pelvic area, I was put into the MRI machine to await my scan. Over a speaker I heard, "this one will be 4 1/2 minutes." I thought that the test wouldn't be bad at all until after that test I heard "4 1/2 minutes...5 minutes...6 1/2 minutes...6 1/2 minutes...and then I stopped counting." The first scan ended up being 40 minutes. As she was moving me for the scan of my femur, she told me I could scratch my nose or head or drum my fingers. That occupied me for a little while, but by the end of the scan, I had my poor head scarf off, and tied then untied in knots. My back was aching like crazy, but I was only 1/3 of the way through. I teased my radiologist about torture, but she took it really well. She hated what she was doing to me. Anyway, I also had to scan my lower lumbar area, then do it all again with some contrast injected in. All in all, I left just shy of 1PM, and I hope to never have to MRI again. No more whining...

I took the girls to the mall in the afternoon with Angel's boyfriend and BF's little brother. I jokingly call him Derwood as a joke since at first I couldn't remember his name. (Think Bewitched) After the mall, we picked Chris up and went to Lexie's softball game. Her team won by eight runs, and Lexie hit a ball clear into center field. It was a great game. I kind of like the boyfriend, so that may mean he won't be around for long. Who knows.

I will post as soon as I know anything about the MRI. I have chemo today at 1PM, and will be done about 3:30 or 4:00.

Just call me Fuzz!

Well, I wouldn't have believed it, but there is more and more fuzz appearing on my head. It is colorless, but it is there, and does help keep the scarves and bandannas on my head. On the other hand, my eyebrows are disappearing more and more by the day and my legs need to be shaved about every 3 to 4 days. Just like my mother always said (usually while I was whining about something), "Life ain't fair." My sister tells her kids, "A fair is a place you go and throw cow chips." For those unfamiliar with cow chips, please check the following link: http://www.roadsideamerica.com/attract/OKBEAchip.html

Anyway, I had to go to a "continuing education" class on Friday, and when I came home I had the delightful surprise to find Angel cleaning the house for me. The kitchen was previously a mess, and then it was beautiful! What a sweetie! I'm just repeating this just in case she acts like a typical teenager in the future. I just wanted to share my happy surprise with the rest of you. We didn't accomplish much this weekend...two teachers and two students just kind of "hung out" and got their rest. I did finally get my back porch cleaned off and ready for occupation. It should have been done earlier in the spring, but I just really didn't feel like it. I don't too much feel like it now, but one of my favorite things is to sit outside in my PJ's in the morning and enjoy. I'm going to head out there and give my sweet doggies some loving before bedtime.

School's Out For Summer!

Well, my cart is packed away, grades are turned in, and I've hugged so many people my shoulders hurt from the pats. I've been in schools so long, I truly feel the year really starts in August, and when everybody celebrates their new year is just the midway point. I even buy calendars that start in August. I just have to explain that so when I describe things that have happened this year. This year has been eventful. I bought my first house, moved to a new town and started a job in a new school, my DH started a new job and career, seen God working in so many places in my life, became a parent to a 16-year-old, found and fought cancer, and found out I could handle more than I ever thought possible. Not bad, huh?

Medical wise, I hope I can explain what has been going on in the last week. Twice in the last week, I felt a pain in my hip area that was strong enough to make me cry. It just hurts like heck the rest of the time. It happened once in front of my students, and that bothers me more than the pain that they had to see me like that. Anyway, when I asked my oncologist if that was a normal side effect to the new chemo, he became pretty concerned. The reason is that I had a tumor in the bone in that area, and when you kill the tumor it leaves a hole where the cancer cells once were. The hole will eventually fill in with calcium, but there is also an increased chance of fracture if the tumor was in the wrong place. He's concerned I have a fracture, so I have to have an MRI to see why I'm feeling this pain. (big sigh)

On a sad note, a sweet woman who was active on a message board that has helped save my sanity has died from breast cancer. I remembering reading her post announcing she was entering hospice in February, and said a prayer for her. It doesn't make me fear my own death, but just get ticked off that there still isn't a cure and more and more people have to deal with this disease. I haven't even had surgery yet, and I wouldn't wish this on my worst enemy. I'm sad for the families who have to watch loved ones deal with it, and frusterated that there are still doctors who believe that some women are too young to have breast cancer. THERE'S AN 18-YEAR-OLD ON MY MESSAGE BOARD. Ladies, remember to do your self check.