So, Amy, What's next?

I had the appointment with my surgeon today to find out what step is next for me. She is a great surgeon, and a great person. The first five minutes of my appointment was her going on and on what a miracle God has worked. It is one thing that I believe something miraculous has happened, but totally another to hear it from a medical professional. It is truly overwhelming, and I have trouble believing that I am worthy of the blessings bestowed upon me.

First of all, I will have to meet with my plastic surgeon to decide what will be done with my reconstruction, and I will meet with my ob/gyn who will be either doing an hysterectomy or an ooperectomy (just the ovaries). I'm asking for prayer for guidance on the right choice. The deal with the hysterectomy is that it has a longer recovery time. The surgeon likes the idea of the hysterectomy because breast cancer is "in league" with ovarian cancer, uterine cancer, cervical cancer, and enderiomental (sp?) cancer...it is also "in league" with colon cancer, but my colon gets to stay in place no matter what. The ooperectomy has a shorter recovery time and has less complications in the future dealing with bladder, etc. I don't know what to do, but I'm sure the best answer for me will become clear. After I meet the other two doctors, I will undergo one surgery to remove my breast, place an expander under my chest muscle, and have the "ectomy" of choice. The other choice I have to make is to have the surgery sooner or later. If I have the surgery sooner, it will be over with and I won't have to think about it. It will also help with cost since I have paid my maximum out of pocket on my insurance this year (I wish that included meds). The downside is that I will miss the beginning of the school year that is my favorite time of the year. It is also essential for my discipline for the year and gaining my student's trust. If I have my surgery later I get to be at work for my favorite time of the year and I get a break from treatment. The downside is that the whole thing may go into next year and I will have to start a new out-of-pocket. I ask for prayers for this, too.

I hate the unknown. I know if I place my trust in God that all will be okay, but I'm human and don't want to do anymore. I know I will do all I have to do because I never want to question if I did all I can do to prevent recurrence, which is the nightmare of every cancer patient, but there are days I just wish I could put it all behind me...and some day it will all be just that.

I hope I don't sound pessimistic at all, because I actually feel good about all of this. Yes, I am nervous, but I think I've already been through the toughest part. I just need guidance on what to do next, and let my head be clear and awaiting God's will.