Sharing something SO sweet

A couple of days ago while checking Angel's MySpace account, I read that her heroes were her parents...Chris mentioned how sweet we thought that was, and last night Angel asked if we read the updated version of the Heroes part of her MySpace. I will warn you this is so sweet it might make your teeth hurt, but I just wanted to copy this down for prosperity. I AM editing this a little for spelling and grammar, but I'm keeping it to a bare minimum.

Heroes
my parents...I know that they're not my blood, but they are to me... you know .. i can be crazy around them like they're my best friends.... i can tell them anything.. you know i never felt like i was loved.. until i lived with them ....i felt free, happy, and blessed! i know that GOD put me here for a reason, and i know that i'm gonna find out... i know we have our times of fightin but everyone gets into fights... how do you get stronger? lol. I love my real family...but to me my birth and them are MY REAL family.. without them i could never be as happy as i am NOW!!! I know i'm makin no sense, but that's how I am.. you never know what i'm gonna say..ha ha but i'm just glad that GOD put me somewhere.. where i can be loved without trying... you know.. I LOVE YOU!!!!

Dear Cancer,

I just wanted to let you know that I got up and walked three miles this morning, and this was after walking three miles last night. I have to be perfectly honest and say that I've never been motivated to exercise before. I didn't care too much about those extra pounds and the jigglies. For my health, I've done the minimum needed...off and on...but never have been truly motivated to keep up with it. Now, I have a reason. I want to get rid of you.

While I'm out, I'm going to tell people why I'm walking. I'm going to tell them about the strength and courage that came only from God, and how awesome HE is. His praise is forever on my lips. I'm going to walk so that no parents will have to hold sick babies who are too young to understand why they have to get stuck, so that mothers won't have to explain to their babies why they can't pick them up, so that parents don't have to worry about burying their child... I'm going to walk so mothers can see their children marry, so that every pain won't be a worry about cancer, so these awesome oncologists can go into general practice. I walk because I hate you.

I know...I know...you're just doing your job, but you more than anybody need to be unemployed. You are a killer, and deserved to be locked away in test tubes like polio, and I've decided I'm going to be a part of putting you away. I'm going to train, and use my feet as the platform to stomp you out.

Goodbye you jerk!

Amy Watkins

Chemo makes you....GAIN WEIGHT?!?

Going into chemo, I thought that at least I would lose weight. I mean, that is what the perception I've gotten from movies and television...I've never been close to anybody going through chemotherapy so I didn't know...

Last time I went to my doctor, I weighed in at my all time high. I've never weighed more... then one night when I couldn't sleep, I saw Oprah featuring Dr. Oz (You! books) and heard him mention that he could write a prescription for chemotherapy for weight loss. (This was tongue in cheek referring to dangerous diets, not really offering) Anyway, I was sure I heard it incorrectly, but on a message board that I visit, somebody else noticed this remark. When I speak to women who've gone through the same treatments I've gone through, they have all gained weight, so I just wanted to spread the word that when people are on chemo, weight loss isn't the norm...especially with the amount of steroids that are given to keep us from having serious allergic reactions to the therapies.

Anyway, I don't know if I have any other point, but I AM walking to walk in the 5K this fall for the Komen Foundation. I will then start training for the 60-mile/3-day walk. I want to make sure that the children I know don't ever have to deal with cancer treatment...

Angel's Birthday Party

I just wanted to post a picture of Angel's party. She had a great time, and I wanted to extend my appreciation to those who sent birthday greetings to her.

Sharing other people's work

I've had this link in my favorites for months, but never published because it is pretty emotional for me. It is a beautiful video that a fellow cancer vixen did for Relay for Life, and I think now I'm ready to share. The pictures are women from the Young Survival Coalition, where I have found that I'm not the only one going through this at my age. Just a quick aside about that: When people get around to the topic that I have breast cancer, many people, especially people my age say something like, "My grandmother had (or died) from breast cancer." In my head, I'm yelling, "Do I look like your grandmother!" but I smile and ask how the grandmother is or give my condolences. The yelling in my head comes and goes, and I do know it isn't all about me and know that they are just trying to relate. I just feel like such a freak of nature sometimes.

Kid Fears

This is another link that I've had, and it was done specifically for YSC, and the song is by Melissa Etheredge. When it comes to survivors, I don't look at their politics or private lives, but look to their strength. This song is great, and will remind me to keep fighting for others when my scars are healed and my hair is back.

I Run For Life

What a year!...and then onto random thoughts.

I started reflecting today on the last year, and I truly believe that God has placed me exactly where I am supposed to be right now. In the last year, I've changed homes, jobs, and got sick. I've seen the importance of friendship, family, and some important relationships have been strengthened, while some new relationships have started. Blessings come in disguise, and I believe that God brought me here to heal...physically, mentally, spiritually. I wouldn't wish any kind of cancer on my worst enemy, and know that we have to work on a cure...not just a treatment that disfigures and beats up on its victims. Anyway, I wouldn't wish cancer on my worst enemy, but I'm not going to dwell on how unfair this is or "why me" or any of that negative crap. Yes, negative thoughts do creep in, but they don't deserve my time. I don't WANT to give them my time... life is too precious.

Feeling normal(ish)

First of all, I just want to tell friends and family that Angel's birthday is next week on July 24. I would totally appreciate it if people would send an e-mail or a card to her. If you need our address (snail or e-mail) just send an e-mail to me or ask a family member. We are planning a little BBQ in honor of her 17th birthday, and I haven't bought invitations. I'm so bad at planning things. I know she doesn't read this, so if you want to come, everybody is invited. Just call if you need directions and details. We're in the phonebook, and I'll give you info. I have lost too many phone numbers and e-mails to count this year.

I have started walking every morning. I think I get more exercise slapping mosquitoes, but it is a start. I feel like I've never walked for exercise before in my life, and feel too weak to go too far from the house. My hair is still growing and filling in. My hair is darker than it was when I began coloring it in junior high, WAY darker. It is also so soft. I don't know if I'll end up coloring it or not. I DID grow up in Texas in the 1980's, so it is in my blood.

I haven't heard anything about a surgery date, and guess that I have to meet with the two other doctors who will be on the team. I've been reading Ruth's blog and the firsthand account of the mastectomy surgery sucks. I DO know from a reliable source that if I have a hysterectomy that I can't vacuum for a full year (It is a joke, but I'm going to milk it for all it's worth).

Quick dates

August 3, I'm meeting with the OB/GYN
August 6, I'll meet with plastic surgeon

Surgery is being scheduled. It has to be a time when all three doctors can be there at the same time, and will be on a Monday, since that is when my surgeon has scheduled time in the OR. We're leaning on sooner more than later, and I'll post when that is as soon as I know something.

So, Amy, What's next?

I had the appointment with my surgeon today to find out what step is next for me. She is a great surgeon, and a great person. The first five minutes of my appointment was her going on and on what a miracle God has worked. It is one thing that I believe something miraculous has happened, but totally another to hear it from a medical professional. It is truly overwhelming, and I have trouble believing that I am worthy of the blessings bestowed upon me.

First of all, I will have to meet with my plastic surgeon to decide what will be done with my reconstruction, and I will meet with my ob/gyn who will be either doing an hysterectomy or an ooperectomy (just the ovaries). I'm asking for prayer for guidance on the right choice. The deal with the hysterectomy is that it has a longer recovery time. The surgeon likes the idea of the hysterectomy because breast cancer is "in league" with ovarian cancer, uterine cancer, cervical cancer, and enderiomental (sp?) cancer...it is also "in league" with colon cancer, but my colon gets to stay in place no matter what. The ooperectomy has a shorter recovery time and has less complications in the future dealing with bladder, etc. I don't know what to do, but I'm sure the best answer for me will become clear. After I meet the other two doctors, I will undergo one surgery to remove my breast, place an expander under my chest muscle, and have the "ectomy" of choice. The other choice I have to make is to have the surgery sooner or later. If I have the surgery sooner, it will be over with and I won't have to think about it. It will also help with cost since I have paid my maximum out of pocket on my insurance this year (I wish that included meds). The downside is that I will miss the beginning of the school year that is my favorite time of the year. It is also essential for my discipline for the year and gaining my student's trust. If I have my surgery later I get to be at work for my favorite time of the year and I get a break from treatment. The downside is that the whole thing may go into next year and I will have to start a new out-of-pocket. I ask for prayers for this, too.

I hate the unknown. I know if I place my trust in God that all will be okay, but I'm human and don't want to do anymore. I know I will do all I have to do because I never want to question if I did all I can do to prevent recurrence, which is the nightmare of every cancer patient, but there are days I just wish I could put it all behind me...and some day it will all be just that.

I hope I don't sound pessimistic at all, because I actually feel good about all of this. Yes, I am nervous, but I think I've already been through the toughest part. I just need guidance on what to do next, and let my head be clear and awaiting God's will.

Home again!

After two days on the road, and multiple stops to keep the drivers and passangers from too much restlessness, we're home safe and sound. I'm so glad we had such a wonderful trip, and want to mention that it wouldn't have been possible without our wonderful hosts who welcomed us into their beautiful home in a beautiful place. It allowed me to relax, forget about the "c-word," and make some wonderful memories. What more can a gal ask for?

Salmon Fishing

We got up at the WAY too early time of 3:15 AM to go salmon fishing. Angel caught the first fish...it is almost as big as she is.

This is one of my fish. It is wonderful to get to go fishing without having to touch a fish. The young man helping us took a lot of looks at our Angel.


Chris and Lexie bringing in a big one.

The kids playing witht he fishies.

We're off to a pot luck at Beth and Dan's church and then to the Island's fireworks.

Happy 4th of July!

Rock Island

We went to Rock Island on Monday. There is a lighthouse there that is worth the mile walk each way.

THIS is Pottawatomie Lighthouse. The tower that you see to the right is the one the Coast Guard uses now. I don't see anyone lining up in 150 years to visit the second lighthouse.

Up in the lighthouse tower. The magnifying lens is to the right of the girls.

The girls in front of the gate. It was a very cool day.

Waiting for the ferry to take us back to Washington Island.

North of the Tension Line

Angel, Lexie, Aunt Beth, Amy, and Will
This is in front of Aunt Beth's Garden after church. Aunt Beth is Chris' aunt, but she counts me as one of her own. Will is Beth's grandson.

The Lighthouse on Plum Island. I believe that it is Pottawatomie Lighthouse. The area here is called Death's Door. Beth's father-in-law lived and worked on Plum Island for three years while in the Coast Guard. There are many shallow, rocky areas around the island known as "Death's Door."

Angel and Lexie fishing in Detroit Harbor.

Lexie on Schoolhouse Beach. The rocks are all smooth. It is incredible.

A lake boat at sunset. The lake boats haul iron ore from the mines to be processed. You can see the curvature of the earth on the lake.

Today we are planning on going to Rock Island if the weather permits. There is an old lighthouse that people can stay in for a week if they agree to give three tours a day to tourists. There are also campsites and an old boathouse that was built to look like Vikings may have used it.