Okay, I lied.
Every pain, ache, pain, forgotten memory is cancer.
Damn it!
I'm ready to get this over with...
2 years ago
Monday, September 28, 2009
Sunday, September 27, 2009
Healing well
My skin looks great! I have a few small cysts that have popped up but they are much easier to tolerate than the blisters. I can feel the tightness in my muscles on my chest wall and as soon as the radiation oncologist gives the okay, I can start weight training on my chest muscles again.
I have a PET scan on October 1 that will determine if there is any progression of cancer elsewhere in my body. I keep hoping that since I'm feeling well there is no more cancer in the body, but I know that I felt well before my diagnosis and it may have come back. I will not turn myself over to fear or worry because there is nothing I can do to change it.
I continue to hate cancer. The message board I frequent continues to be peppered with messages of progression, hospice, and death. I will let myself go days without checking in because I can't handle hearing of the bad news. I've been a part of this community for over 2 1/2 years and have become closer to more and more ladies. I know their stories, about their families, and their lives...and they have become a part of my life. One death a couple of weeks ago was closer to me than any other before and it hurt beyond words. I have another friend who lives locally who is at MD Anderson right now hoping for a cure to her breast cancer. Over the last year, even with chemo, she has progressed and is hoping to get a bone marrow transplant to save her life.
I guess I'm transitioning to the month of October and crap. There seems to be a misperception that breast cancer is an easy cancer to have. I totally beg to differ. So far, I have been lucky with my treatment and recurrence, but too many aren't that lucky.
I have a PET scan on October 1 that will determine if there is any progression of cancer elsewhere in my body. I keep hoping that since I'm feeling well there is no more cancer in the body, but I know that I felt well before my diagnosis and it may have come back. I will not turn myself over to fear or worry because there is nothing I can do to change it.
I continue to hate cancer. The message board I frequent continues to be peppered with messages of progression, hospice, and death. I will let myself go days without checking in because I can't handle hearing of the bad news. I've been a part of this community for over 2 1/2 years and have become closer to more and more ladies. I know their stories, about their families, and their lives...and they have become a part of my life. One death a couple of weeks ago was closer to me than any other before and it hurt beyond words. I have another friend who lives locally who is at MD Anderson right now hoping for a cure to her breast cancer. Over the last year, even with chemo, she has progressed and is hoping to get a bone marrow transplant to save her life.
I guess I'm transitioning to the month of October and crap. There seems to be a misperception that breast cancer is an easy cancer to have. I totally beg to differ. So far, I have been lucky with my treatment and recurrence, but too many aren't that lucky.
Thursday, September 10, 2009
Radiation: The gift that keeps on giving...
I wanted to believe that once I finished radiation that I would start healing and there would be no more side effects. Unfortunately, the skin is in different phases of reproduction and I have two more weeks of mutant skin before it will truly start to heal. I have several small blisters and about five blisters the size of a dime. For skin that I thought was numb it hurts like crap! I am even going out without my prosthetic breast because I can't tolerate the pain. I hope I don't offend anybody with my lop-sidedness.
I went to see my regular oncologist, Dr. K. today. I know it is weird, but he is a great doctor and makes his office a very comfortable place. I can visit with him and have confidence in my treatment plan and I feel I'm part of the decision making process.
Here's the plan: I will have a PET scan in about a month followed by an appointment with Dr. K. If there is no cancer progression in the rest of my body, I will keep taking the anti-hormonal and will hope it keeps the cancer from spreading. If there is cancer, we will open the door to the chemotherapy arsenal once again and I will start treatment. He doesn't want to start treatment yet because my skin needs time to heal before any more poison is added to my body that will hinder healing.
I went to see my regular oncologist, Dr. K. today. I know it is weird, but he is a great doctor and makes his office a very comfortable place. I can visit with him and have confidence in my treatment plan and I feel I'm part of the decision making process.
Here's the plan: I will have a PET scan in about a month followed by an appointment with Dr. K. If there is no cancer progression in the rest of my body, I will keep taking the anti-hormonal and will hope it keeps the cancer from spreading. If there is cancer, we will open the door to the chemotherapy arsenal once again and I will start treatment. He doesn't want to start treatment yet because my skin needs time to heal before any more poison is added to my body that will hinder healing.
Friday, September 4, 2009
What a week!
First, I just want to take a moment and celebrate that I am finally done with my radiation treatments!!!!! I am cooked to a crisp and swollen, but I made it.
This week was long not on MY part, but Chris'. Tuesday he had a colonoscopy. No big deal, just a lot of sitting in a waiting room while he got the "good stuff" for his scope. Everything looked good, and he is happy he can eat all the popcorn and grapes he wants to eat.
Wednesday morning he had an eye appointment. He has been complaining about fuzzy vision for about a month, and it turns out that he has blindness to the bottom third of his left eye. The optometrist was concerned enough to send him to a neural opthomoligist the next day, which was yesterday. He ran many of the same tests as the first doctor, but ordered an MRI giving two options for the reason of the blindness: either early stage Multiple Sclerosis or an optical nerve stroke. We waited in the waiting room for almost an hour while waiting for the insurance company to schedule the MRI before we were sent home to wait. We finally got a phone call and the test was scheduled at 9:00PM. We finally got home from the MRI just before 11:00, and each of us had a restless night worrying about the prognosis. Chris got a call early this afternoon from the specialist and it was an optical nerve stroke. There is less than a five percent chance of recovering the lost vision, and Chris is crushed. He has a follow-up appointment in a month to check for progression or stabilization.
I have an appointment with my regular oncologist next Thursday to find out what it next... the fun life of a cancer patient.
OH! Angel had her baby: Alexis Ann last night. I don't have specifics...but she is healthy and beautiful.
This week was long not on MY part, but Chris'. Tuesday he had a colonoscopy. No big deal, just a lot of sitting in a waiting room while he got the "good stuff" for his scope. Everything looked good, and he is happy he can eat all the popcorn and grapes he wants to eat.
Wednesday morning he had an eye appointment. He has been complaining about fuzzy vision for about a month, and it turns out that he has blindness to the bottom third of his left eye. The optometrist was concerned enough to send him to a neural opthomoligist the next day, which was yesterday. He ran many of the same tests as the first doctor, but ordered an MRI giving two options for the reason of the blindness: either early stage Multiple Sclerosis or an optical nerve stroke. We waited in the waiting room for almost an hour while waiting for the insurance company to schedule the MRI before we were sent home to wait. We finally got a phone call and the test was scheduled at 9:00PM. We finally got home from the MRI just before 11:00, and each of us had a restless night worrying about the prognosis. Chris got a call early this afternoon from the specialist and it was an optical nerve stroke. There is less than a five percent chance of recovering the lost vision, and Chris is crushed. He has a follow-up appointment in a month to check for progression or stabilization.
I have an appointment with my regular oncologist next Thursday to find out what it next... the fun life of a cancer patient.
OH! Angel had her baby: Alexis Ann last night. I don't have specifics...but she is healthy and beautiful.
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