Thoughts while I can't sleep.

Lately I've been able to get away from dealing with MY cancer. It is bothering me more to see it everywhere else. This week alone, three people who I have come to care about had various surgeries dealing with breast cancer. I can't elaborate how much I hate this disease.

A couple of weeks ago a woman with young children who was a voice of calm when I was first diagnosed passed away. After she announced on the message board she was going into Hospice about a month ago, I swung between wanting to cure cancer myself (I wish I had that talent) to wanting to hide from the world of sickness. What bothers me the most is that I am surviving with no little children of my own while there are women with babies who are dying. I have no death wish at all, but it breaks my heart to hear of mothers dying.

Glenda is a co-worker who had a port installed yesterday and started her first chemotherapy today. She will also undergo radiation in her treatments. She will be a grandmother in February and is in her first year of teaching.

Ruth got her permanent implants today and has two beautiful children. She has a wonderfully quirky sense of humor and is almost as dorky as I am.

Jennifer is my "Stage IV" buddy. Getting the same scary as heck diagnosis is a hell of a reason to get to know somebody, but she is an inspiration to me. She is a tenacious fighter and a mother of two beautiful boys and has an awesome husband who would gladly go through all this treatment for her if it was possible. We've shared surgery tips along with treatment tips and the best oncologist in the USA.

When I walk in training every day, I walk for these women and all the women I know. I walk for my family members and strangers. I walk, and I walk. I can't do anything else, but I can spread awareness for early detection and help raise money for the scientists to find a cure.