Two Steps Back

Tomorrow will be two weeks since the surgery, and I have continued to grow in strength and prepare myself mentally and emotionally for the radiation. I went to meet the radiation oncologist this morning to determine when I will start radiation and the areas he will radiate. My surgery sight remains so swollen that he ran a quick CT scan to determine the reason. So much fluid has collected behind the muscle the implant hid behind that it looks like the implant is still there!!! I meet with my surgeon this afternoon to discuss placing a new drainage tube. According to the radiation oncologist, it will take at least a week for the fluid pocket to drain, and only then can we plan the radiation.

A Week After Surgery

First, I want to make a correction to my last post. Due to the use of painkillers, I mistakenly believed I helped cook dinner after my operation, when I actually just gave directions. My mother called me, laughingly, telling me that they probably gave me too much pain killer before leaving the hospital...I say no such thing. :)

I can feel myself getting stronger every day, and sleeping less. I finally started getting "cabin fever" yesterday, and drove myself to the surgeon's office for my follow-up appointment. My incision is looking good and I'm healing well, but the swelling is freakish to me. She told me it was normal for the trauma of the surgery. I will just say it looks like my boob is regenerating like the tail of a lizard...if anybody wants a picture, I will be more than happy to send an e-mail. I think it is cool, but I don't want to gross anybody out...

The heat is incredibly hard on me. It has been at least 100 degrees all week and just walking to the car and waiting for the A/C to kick on wears me out. I'm longing for the extra long Spring we were blessed with earlier this summer, but to pay for it we went directly to August!

On a separate note, please pray for a friend of mine named Jennifer E. She just found out she had a recurrence on top of her implant, similar to mine. Somebody who shouldn't be communicating with people, period, told her that she had an 85% chance of metastatic cancer... She hasn't made any appointments yet to find out about her scans and she is very scared. Have I mentioned I HATE this disease?

Surgery Report

It is very nice to be a "pet" patient of my doctors. When my surgeon saw me in the waiting room, she instructed the staff to bring me in to prepare for the surgery. She had a surgery to take care of before mine, but I didn't have time to get bored like I did last time. I woke up sore as heck, but came home happy due to a small shot of morphine before I left. I did more than I should have after getting home, including cooking supper, and have paid for it two days now. I have been pretty sore, but I'm not sure if it is from moving too much or not moving enough. This is no fun. This morning, my surgeon's nurse removed the drainage tube. After peeling me off the ceiling, she said the scars were healing well and made a follow-up with Dr. C next week.

Chris and Lexie have been great, and so has my mom, who is the BEST cook in the world. There will be a slumber party at the house tonight that was planned before Chris knew of the surgical date (read he didn't listen to me). Lexie's softball team will have a tye-dye the white jersey party, including pizza and lots of sugar. Thank goodness for good meds!

Honesty: I really want to play brave for everybody, but inside I whine a lot. I don't like pain, and that is probably why I don't exercise often. I truly trust God to take care of me, but I really don't want to go trough all of this. I understand (just to a tiny portion) Christ praying in the garden before his kiss of betrayal. I'd rather just ignore the cancer until it is too late, but that is just a fleeting thought and I know I still have job to do.

I am thankful for all your prayers. I KNOW I couldn't do this on my own.

Vacation!

Thanks to some wonderful people in my life, I got to go to Tampa and visit my best friend before my surgery tomorrow. I had a wonderful time. I went to Busch Gardens and saw very cool animals and rode very scary rollercoasters. I also went to Discovery Cove and swam with dolphins and sting rays. The beach was wonderful, the food was wonderful, and the company was wonderful. I will post pictures when I have time.

My surgery is tomorrow morning at 9:15, and I will lose my implant and more skin. As soon as it is healed, I will begin radiation to a large area of my chest, the base of my neck, and my arm pit. I will be radiated five times a week for six weeks, and the goal is for the skin to be blistered and peeling because that is where this recurrance occured. My rad oncologist is awesome and took 45 minutes to explain and answer my questions.

Battle Plan...I think

I met with Dr. K today, who happens to be the best oncologist in the world in my humble opinion. I'm going to start a new anti-hormonal called Arimidex. I am not a fan of these medicines because the side effects make me feel at least 30 years older, but I will push on. I will have surgery soon after I return from Florida, and will have two to three weeks to heal before the radiation treatment. Radiation is not fun because it requires going to the facility five days a week for six to nine weeks. Mine will be a thirty minute drive away, but at least I will be in my own bed every night. Radiation has been referred to the worst tanning bed EVER, and a little research can find why. I don't want to look at the moment. During radiation, I will begin taking another oral medication called Tykerb. When it first came out, it was touted as the "new Herceptin," but it isn't... I will take an oral chemotherapy called Xeloda along with the Tykerb.

Believe it or not, I'm doing very well mentally. I forgot to do something at work that is upsetting me WAY more than this recurrance. I already proved to myself I can make it through diagnosis, I just have to do it. I have God taking care of the hard stuff for me, and I just have to show up.

Left hand/right hand?

When visiting multiple doctors, some days I wonder if the left hand has a clue what the right hand is doing...

The plastic surgeon gave the "go-ahead" to take out the implant or not take out the implant depending on what the radiation oncologist wants. I meet with her next Tuesday, so I have a list on what to ask. I really need to know because I don't know whether to buy a mastectomy swimsuit or not...and buying a swimsuit isn't easy in the first place. You can see where my priorities are.

Please keep my Uncle Ray in your prayers. He had a recurrence of leukemia after less than six months in remission and will have to go to Maryland for a bone marrow transplant. To have a bone marrow transplant is tough, because he will have to be in almost total isolation because the doctors will have to totally kill his immune system. This is for a guy who likes to be around people...a lot! The process of killing the immune system is not fun, either. I won't go into it, but you can look it up if you want to totally cringe.

Two appointments down, ??? to go...

I met with my surgeon yesterday and got the outline of my "battleplan." During the next week and a half, I will be scanned and tested for tests with no study guide (can I cry foul on that?). Today I got an MRI which is a very weird experience. Picture the MasterCard symbol or a two circle Venn diagram, and that is what is cut on the board I got to lay (lie?) on for about an hour . The "girls" each get their own circle, and my sternum fit on the middle part. As I was put face down, my head rested face down on a contraption similar to what you would use for a massage, but my eyes were also covered. My arms were placed on pillows above my head. Thank goodness I was given a valium before going in the tube because I REALLY don't like to sit still. I'm not clausterphobic, but I DON'T like being still. To add insult to injury, one of the nurses placed an IV into my vein so they could add contrast. Thanks to the valium, the whole thing was more uncomfortable for Chris who got to sit in the waiting room while over 500 pictures were taken of my chest. Hello, Playboy!

Tomorrow, I "get" to meet with my plastic surgeon. He's my least favorite of the doctors because when I mentioned I didn't like my reconstruction, he told me that it would look better if I didn't gain any weight. Humph! Let me cut off his hormone producers and put him in bed for a long time and see how HE comes out of the end of it!

Next Tuesday I meet with my radiation oncologist for her consult, and I believe I will have to meet my regular oncologist somewhere next week, too.

When I get back from Florida, there will be a rapid-fire volley toward "the beast." First I will have surgery where the plastic surgeon will remove the expander and the surgeon is going to scrape the skin from the underside to get every bit of tissue out of that breast. Later that week, I will go get the radiation set up and get tattoos and a prescription to a cream to hopefully keep my skin from burning to a crisp. I will also have to use a special deodorant because the metal in the d.o. will block the cancer killing rays. Where's Superman when I need him to give my radiation with his eyes. My oncologist will keep an eye on my tumor markers and keep "taking pictures" to determine if/when the treatment will change.

At the moment I still kind of feel like I'm in a dream and this isn't really happening to me... I wish it wasn't.